Not You First
Naerion
Your hand is warm under my shirt
That should be enough
But my head goes quiet
In the ugliest way
I count your breaths
Like they belong to me
I hate that I do that
I hate that I need proof
You're here
You're here
You're here
So why am I grieving?
Don't die before me
I know it's selfish
I know it's ugly
I still mean it
Don't leave me learning
Half of the bed
Don't make me answer
To your name again
Not you first
Not you first
Not you first
Please
Not you first
Not you first
Stay with me
You leave a glass by the sink
And I almost cry
It's just water
It's just proof you were alive
Your towel on the door
Your voice in the hall
Your stupid little habits
Holding up my world
And I know love
Is not a contract with time
But I keep begging the ceiling
Like something there might reply
Don't die before me
I know it's selfish
I know it's ugly
I still mean it
Don't leave me learning
Half of the bed
Don't make me answer
To your name again
And if I go first
I'm sorry
I'm sorry for the room
I'm sorry for the morning
I'm sorry for the food
You won't want to touch
I'm sorry for the songs
That will sound like me too much
Don't die before me
I know it's selfish
I know it's ugly
God, I mean it
Don't leave me standing
Where we used to live
Don't make this body
A house you're not in
Not you first
Not you first
Not you first
Please
If love has to take someone
Let it take me
You're breathing
I'm listening
I'm sorry
I'm listening