Sabbath
Jenny Hval
I'm six or seven and dreaming that I'm a boy
I emerged out of the water and went into the garden
With a small silver hand between my thighs
Later, in the shower, I see a boy naked
He is contagious and I can feel mine
I was told not to stare then
But my eyes have never been larger, in & out of my body
My stare kept growing
I guess that's what's called flesh memory
Oh, how I wanted to tell him that we had switched places
In my dream I'd had him on me
But I didn't that day when I told her the dog was a wolf
And the rock was a cliff, and you're a horse
I said, if the dog was a wolf and
I a boy she could be a horse, sure thing
She had no excuse
And we were running then
Horse and wolf and girl
Braces on her teeth like a bridle, a bride, a bridle
I felt tight against supple, cool against hot, wires and skin
I've always been like this
Some days I feel like my body
Is straightened, held up by thin braces,
Metal spikes embrace my spine, my face, my cunt
I can feel myself from above, but I can't see who's holding them
I twould be easy to think about submission
But I don't think it's about submission
It's about holding and being held
We ran willingly, horse-like, girl-like, boy-like
Her voice neighing in the back of his throat
And when I came closer we collided and kissed
In the passing on the mouth, like horses do
I said, her thin lips over enamel and steel
I felt the outline of her braces against my own
Little silver arms reaching for each other